Tuesday, November 21, 2006

IP's Greatest Hits Volume II

Personal communications can be pretty damning affairs. They become even more so with the power of email, and the subsequent inability to control distribution of the information.

In recent times, I have emailed friends and associates making suggestions which, if they became public, could ruin my future political career. In light of this, I make the following confessions:

  • I am currently having a bet with Wellington friends on the exact date of Fidel Castro’s death. How it works is, every person in the group pledges a dollar for every day that Castro survives his terminal cancer. When the Cuban monster finally does shuffle off his mortal coil, we will have an exceptionally long lunch with the proceeds of the pool. The prize pool has now exceeded the $500 limit set by the gambling commission. Technically, we are now in breach of New Zealand gambling legislation.
  • I emailed an American friend last month with an invitation to tactically nuke Castro’s funeral. In attendance will be all sorts of international socialists, tyrants, and miscellaneous shit-stirrers: Venezuela’s Chavez, Iran’s Ahmadinejad, Britain’s Gordon Brown and George Galloway, France’s Segolene Royal, Canada’s Bill Graham, Chile’s Michelle Bachelet, Bolivia’s Evo Morales, and Norway’s Tarja Halonen, along with the despotic leaders of half of Africa’s failed states. It will basically be a world forum for filthy pinkos, of which only Hillary Clinton and Russell Brown, who’s too cheap to pay his own airfare, will be excluded. One tactical nuke over Havana would achieve an enormous amount of international good.
  • As a solution to global warming, I have advocated to Chinese and Indian friends, a surprise nuking of China and India. My argument is that the world has twice its sustainable world population; Europe is declining in population, and there are plenty of Chinese and Indians on the planet outside of China and India, and that since Africa is dying of AIDS anyway, getting rid of India and China will promote global harmony on an ecologically sustainable basis.
  • I have emailed Arab friends suggesting that nuking the middle east will resolve conflict there. Egypt is fairly stable, and I don’t want to get rid of Israel, because Israeli girls are hot, so it is, on reflection, better to use chemical weapons or neutron bomb technology on the Middle East, excluding Israel and Egypt.
  • I have offered financial and/or alcoholic rewards to people willing to shoot the following persons, in no particular order:
  • Trevor Mallard
  • Pete Hodgson
  • Michael Cullen
  • Judith Tizard
  • Brian Connell again
  • Jeanette Fitzsimons
  • Nick Smith
  • My Boss
  • Winston Peters
  • Nicky Hager
  • Brian Rudman
  • Mike Williams
  • Steve Maharey
  • Oliver Driver
  • David Benson-Pope
  • I have also offered inducements to other people to stab, punch, or poke-in-the-eye a broad range of bloggers and commentators.
  • I have speculated to friends and associates who do not sponsor me for movember, that there is a direct link between their tight-fistedness and a higher chances that they will develop prostate cancer.
  • I have emailed hot chicks with specific instructions on how to dump their boyfriends. When I was in the third form, I bribed a skinny kid to vote me Class Captain with a cream donut. I won the election by one vote.
  • I have emailed our HR person with suggested reviews of our corporate hiring policy, including discriminating against socialists, vegetarians, and cat-lovers.
In the interests of political transparency, it is now vital for Helen Clark and Nicky Hager to release all her private emails, which will similarly disclose her criminal activities.

21 comments:

Seamonkey Madness said...

"I have emailed our HR person with suggested reviews of our corporate hiring policy, including discriminating against socialists, vegetarians, and cat-lovers."

You forgot fat chicks.

Insolent Prick said...

There are gracefully no fat chicks in my workplace. There is no need to make rules to prevent problems that don't currently exist!

Spirit Of 76 said...

Oliver Driver; I always thought that guy would be pinko, now I know.

Anonymous said...

Nice try IP.

Where do we put in our orders for the Nicky Hager book? It sounds like a great read.

Not only Brian Connell - but it seems 6 ashamed members of the National Party hierarchy blew the whistle.

Good to hear that the email material used is concerned with matters political only. It should mean that the injunction can be lifted for the public good.

Insolent Prick said...

Anonymous,

I don't think Brian Connell leaked the emails. Since only two people had access to Don Brash's email account, including Don Brash, it is highly unlikely that six separate people leaked the material.

Nicky Hager has as much credibility as Ian Wishart. They are both fringe political campaigners masquerading as investigative journalists.

Nicky can publish his book for all I care. He's already very wealthy in his own right, owing to a rather large trust fund that sustains his lifestyle in Roseneath; but let's not confuse this prissy little rich boy who's cranky with everybody for a respectable, factual, or credible journalist.

Anonymous said...

Correction

Ian Wishart has far less credibility than Nicky Hager.

Wishart's worst effort may have been interviewing the Exclusive Brethren in November 2006. His questions to the Brethren were loaded with answers!

But the David Parker "investigation" was almost embarrassing for the reader - how often can you say that?

His "investigation" of Peter Davis was more cringe material. Davis is not even a publicly elected politician.

Wishart suffers further by his forays into fundamental Christianity. As with the other stuff, full of claims that can not be substantiated.

I also cringe when each time one of his brave customers reprimands him in a Letter to the Editor, he puts them down. Like the talkback host that hangs up on you.

He is of the extreme right by the way IP - with you!

Rattus Norvegus said...

can we add Tony Leitch to the list ?

Russell said...

wishart has just posted the funniest and possibly most shocking story of the decade.
Benson poe as panty slut boy. fantastic.

Oh, and any pinko death list that does not include john campbell lacks credibility. Sort it out.

Insolent Prick said...

Russell,

I did have John Campbell, and Brian Connell was listed several times. Unfortunately, due to blogger's fucked up formatting, I had to pull out a couple of lines of the post.

Reasonable Russell said...

fair enough

Anonymous said...

I thought Jen-Lee leaked the emails so that Donny would spend more time at home.

Sonic said...

Can I just say how much I enjoyed your comment yesterday

"Sonic, phillip, james, etc:You pinko shits have been predicting Don Brash’s demise ever since he became leader. Fact is he has survived every one of the personal attacks and dirty tactics that the Labour Party has thrown at him; from personal shit-throwing about his private life, to allegations of misdeeds, to the most preposterous–the bald claim that he is not fit to be Prime Minister because Pete Hodgson says so.

Every time you have tried to demonise Don Brash, he has bounced back higher in the polls. He doubled National’s vote at the last election. He leads National at a time when the Nats are continuing to thump Labour in the polls, by even wider margins every week.

Look out for Orewa III. Brash’s next speech will make you toast. As much as Labour wants to collude with nut-jobs like Nicky Hager–who blamed Brash for Rod Donald’s death just last year–Brash will be our next Prime Minister."
Posted by Insolent Prick | November 22, 2006 11:36 AM"

Perhaps you should rename your blog The modern nostradamus?

Anonymous said...

It must be hard walking around with a permanant hard-on sonic.

EXOCET

Sonic said...

Nice comeback. You should get an agent, after all with a talent like that why spend all day handling yourself?

Insolent Prick said...

Sonic,

You're bloody lucky that I'm a reasonable person, tending more towards free speech than being pedantic about thread hijacking.

You've posted that same quote on multiple other blogs, and have posted it here again on a completely unrelated matter.

Go to my latest thread if you want to debate Brash's resignation, and how you filthy pinkos put together a deliberate campaign to take out a very good man, just because he was the biggest threat to your political baubles in recent National Party history.

But you're dreaming if you think that the voters will reward you for it.

Sonic said...

"You've posted that same quote on multiple other blogs"

Well one, but surely you want everyone to hear your words of wisdom!

xxx

S

Anonymous said...

Sonic

Were you not a bit premature to predict "Orewa III" for Don Brash?

I too find John Campbell a bit overblown at times .. but for this affair - I would like to congratulate him and TV3 for flushing out this amazing story of corruption, poor judgement and bad ethics.

As for the David Benson-Pope scoop on Investigate Magazine .. yet ANOTHER balls up by Wishart!! The Stadium, Don Brash and Nicky Hager have really blotted out this feeble attempt to take the heat of Don! As a get rich scheme it will fail as well. [From another angle, are they alleging he did anything illegal? I thought the right wing were persuading us to get out of personal lives when news of Don Brash and the Business Round Table hostess was highlighted by Brian Connell etc]

With Investigate Magazine, Leighton Smith, Lindsay Perigo leading the Brash apologists - why begrudge John Campbell HIS indignation. He reflects traditional values of NZers such as a fair go for all.

Do subscribers to this believe in these things?

Anonymous said...

I liked G Man's ppost on the irony of Nicky Hager using spying tactics to publish a book when all he has ever done is complain ad nauseum about Waiahopi, the SIS et al.

As Rodney Rude used to say: "i can fix him by putting a small lead ball inserted in his left ear - from my fucken rifle".

MrTips said...

Tarja Halonen is from Finland, not Norway, and she is scary in real life.

And yes, I am a pedant.

I am also willing to take on the "job" of Oliver Driver for one case of Amstel Extra Strength.

chris said...

Your first four "confessions" qualify you as my first choice for world dictator.

Anonymous said...

IP will take that as a compliment Chris.

A bigger worry is the list of people he wants assassinated. I am worried that one or more of them has done the deed on him, such has been his silence.

I originally thought the silence was acute embarrassment over the fate of Don Brash - and the confusion that now surrounds the National Party.

In fact I wonder if he would want to revise his list of targets in light of recent developments. I mean is it intelligent to want all those well-performed government MPs wiped out while the National Party is so exposed - without coherent policy and with yet another banking novice politician in charge?

Sorry I think that there are yet more "Bill Rowling" years in the wilderness ahead for the Nats, while it tries to decide which faction will take it forward.. the new right are sidelined for now (as they should be) - but will the conservatives or the liberals win out this time?

NZ Party Babe