Not Quite Getting The Point. . .

I'm the kinda guy who is easily distracted. My eyes wander. Not in a bung-eyed, lazy-optic sort of way. But I don't particularly mind if I'm in a restaurant or a pub with a hot chick, if I start ignoring her silly babble and start perving at another hot chick. I will feel all warm that a chick is doing her best to fulfill her principle role in society, by staying hot, rather than simply letting herself go. Just as I will happily pretend to listen to a pinko commie rave about some new injustice that white men have placed on society, provided that she is hot. Not that it ever happens, tho', since invariably greenie/pinko chicks are hideous and butch. The grass is always greener, and all that.

Campbell Live on Tuesday night did a special on the environmental damage caused by white people throwing out perfectly good electronic equipment: computers, televisions, and cellphones. I emphasise that it was yet another attack on white people by a liberal, pinko, commie white presenter, who has nothing better to do with his time than make us all feel guilty for not being born in poverty with a horrid, disfiguring disease. John Campbell roped in a woman from Greenpeace China. This display intended to suggest that Greenpeace actually has a movement in China.

Convincing us that Greenpeace is a successful movement in China is the political equivalent of pushing a pile of panda shit up one of the Tibetan Himalayas, using a couple of broken toothpicks as chopsticks, using no Sherpas as guides. In the middle of winter. When the panda shit is runny, but for some strange reason, won't freeze.

Gotta respect the Chinese for their indifference to Greenpeace. So little attention is being paid to general environmental issues in China, that the one person in a billion who does actually care, has nothing better to do with her time than to come to New Zealand and speak to John Campbell. Apparently, having a couple of New Zealand Greenies speaking out about how the Chinese Government doesn't care that whole towns in China are willingly accepting European and American e-waste, despite an official government ban on the practice, is more valuable to Greenpeace than having Chinese people lobby their own government directly.

And right there, the Green movement has missed an ideal opportunity to convince the Chinese Government to pay more attention to the problem. Because pinko liberals do not understand human nature, they do not have an impact on the world policy debate where it matters. A much better strategy to get the Chinese to pay attention to Green issues would be to fly over Rod Donald and Sue Bradford, and present the two of them as the downstream by-products of e-waste. "Yes, Mr Wu. If you keep importing broken-down American motherboards and circuitry, your local villagers will start believing in obscure and illogical economic theories, and will lose all capacity to contribute to society. I present to you two examples of New Zealand's worst-affected e-waste victims."

And hopefully not let either of them back in.

Throughout John Campbell's oh-so-soft treatment of the Chinese greenpeace activist, there was an even more curious sight. Jim Tully, the David-Bellamy-like anthropologist from Victoria University, was expressing a general tirade against technology. "We live in an age where we have to have the newest, the best of everything," he said blandly.

Ho frigging hum. Get a real job, you sad old bastard. But I digress. For six televisual minutes--precious moments of my time--he droned on about consumerism and its ill effects. And he did so from a rather comfortable loungechair, surrounded by the latest electronic gadgetry. Location: the exclusive, high-end audio-visual store, Absolute Audio, in Wellington.

Yes, that's right. Like all pinko commies--and in this case a luddite one--Jim Tully and TV3 did not understand the simple fact that the audience has moved on. We don't particularly care to be ranted at for just wanting cool stuff. I mean, if we actually shared Jim Tully's ideas, and rejected technology from our lives, then we wouldn't be watching fucking John Campbell, WOULD WE? And sitting in a TV shop surrounded by the latest Bose and Sony products, hoping to trip that good old guilt-thing is not smart message-making.

Because, dear reader, the entire time that the good Doctor Tully was making his slanted spiel about materialism leading us nowhere, I was gazing at those cool, huge, LCD Sony TVs in the background. And I resolved there and then that they looked so frigging excellent that the next thing I would do is go out and buy one. Even though I've bought five big TVs in the last five years, and not cared what happened to the last one.

It occurred to me, after experiencing such an outlandish robotic hard-on, that the Greenpeace/John Campbell/academic/pinko commie propaganda against materialism did more to encourage me to go out and buy a new TV than Sony could ever do. I've even looked at Sony's website. The 60-inch Sony Grand Wega LCD screen, absolute extortion at eight grand, looks absolutely uninspiring when Sony promotes it. But with Jim Tully sitting in front of one, I'd buy a dozen of them if it meant I could bitch-slap him on my way to the counter.

And I wouldn't buy a Sony TV because it might be more environmentally friendly than a Panasonic, by Greenpeace's own admissions. No, dear reader. I would buy one just for the chance to assault a hippie, bearded pinko, and because it looks cooler.

And do I care that a bunch of Chinese kids will be breaking apart my old perfectly good TV and destroying the environment in the process? Probably slightly more than the Chinese Government, for sure. But not a whole lot. If Chinese villagers want to poison themselves with mercury, lead and cadmium, and want to make a living for themselves by dumping all that shite into their own water supplies, then I congratulate them for their ingenuity.

But I blame John Campbell, Greenpeace, and Jim Tully for subliminally making me buy that new TV.