Blame Brian Rudman.

Yes, yes. The guy's a frigging nobody, who doesn't deserve even an nth of the credit he gets already, but he is a symptom of the plague affecting New Zealand political journalism.

Put aside that he's a suspect GINGA, because for a moment, I'm going to be serious.

In a nutshell, they're mostly a bunch of pinko, commie, liberal cocksuckers. While this blog is by no means dedicated to them, it is inspired by them. I don't consider myself to be an open-minded guy at the best of times, but even if I were, I figure I'd still think that they should be lynched. Or put on a deserted island where they had to fend for themselves with no taxpayer or editorial subsidies, and had to actually do something for a living.

Case in point: Rudman's claim that Don Brash was excluding a whole lotta minorities during his "mainstream New Zealanders" speech. Typical Bolshevist propaganda. Yes, it's true. Auckland does a large percentage of non-English speaking people (Rudman neglects to mention that many of them are driving taxis). Yes, there are people of Middle Eastern origin in this town. Yes, there's a large homo population swanking it up Ponsonby Road on a Saturday night.

But that's not the point. Brash's speech proposed that government should focus on the interests of the majority of society: hard-working, middle New Zealand families who believe in doing their best for themselves and their communities, only to see the Government frittering their taxes away on hip hop tours, excessive bureaucracy, Kyoto-credits-for-Russians, and the Maori elite, to name just a few. In fact, in reading the speech, it's hard to see how any normal person could come to the view that Rudman had even read it. For example, Brash said:

"Mainstream New Zealanders have some fairly basic, but
non-negotiable, expectations of their government. And none of those expectations is unreasonable. They expect to send their kids to school, to have them taught to read and write, and to have their performance measured by an assessment system that is fair and meaningful. And now they know Helen Clark's Government demonstrably can't deliver that."

So get off your knees, Mr Rudman, and explain to your readers how that view of mainstream New Zealanders is wrong! Or how about this?

"If they are in personal danger, they expect to be able to dial 111 and have a police car arrive to protect them [...] When they are sick or injured, they expect to be able to go to hospital to get the operation that a 50% increase in taxpayer funding in the past five years should be able to buy them [...] When they or their family need something from an agency of the government, they expect they will be dealt with fairly, and not be asked about their ethnicity in order to determine their entitlement."

As a definition for mainstream New Zealand, it's hard to argue against the picture that Brash has painted. Unless, of course, you happen to be a pinko commie journalist with little concern for the facts, or are too lazy to actually read anything other than the Prime Minister's press release on her opponent's speech.

So in the spirit of even-handed commentary as we go into election mode, I'm doing my bit to take an extreme view from the right. And because I'm not affiliated to any political group, I don't care about getting personal. For example, while I don't know if Rudman is technically a cocksucker, in literary terms, I stand by the claim that he most definitely is. I'll further assert, without the slightest degree of malice, that it is my honestly-held belief that he wasn't born with a penis. And while I'm at it, I will also claim that Brian Rudman is philosophically influenced--and I use the term 'philosophically' in the loosest possible way--by Josef Stalin, Engels, and Pol Pot.

And until the pinko spin machine, of which Rudman is a symptom, can stand up and honestly publicly defend the PC bullshit that panders to minority interests at the expense of mainstream New Zealand, then in the words of one of the great anonymous literary greats, they can all go and get fucked.