Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Double, double, toil and trouble...

One of my occasional correspondents, that bastion of personal human industry and frequent flyer miles, the Hon. Judith Tizard, has had a rough time of late.

Poor Judith. It's bad enough that she has to cope with the combined stresses of being an associate arts minister and minister of consumer affairs. In addition, Judith has the considerable responsibility of being patron of the Auckland gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transsexual communities, and Helen Clark's closest personal friend. While Judith doesn't have to put up with the drudgery of living in the Prime Minister's home anymore, she does have to put up with taunts from the National Party about her work ethic. That kind of workload is enough to drive anybody to tears.

This is simply not fair. In almost eight years of ministerial, sub-cabinet office, Judith has been nothing if not loyal to Helen Clark. When other Labour MPs have shown disloyalty, Judith has been there to comfort the Prime Minister.

It just isn't on for Jonathan Coleman to refer to Judith Tizard's broomstick. While Coleman galavants around in the knowledge that his medical knowledge was acquired through a legitimate public learning institution, Tizard is correct that it is sexist and mean to bring up the vexed issue of the Minister's domestic duties. Judith wants the world to know that since becoming a minister outside cabinet, she has not touched a vacuum cleaner, a dust-cloth, made the bed, scrubbed the toilet, or done anything close to operating a broomstick.

On the other hand, Judith Tizard is an excellent cook. Being the quintessential entertainer, and as one of the unofficial hostesses at Premier House, she has developed a reputation for fine dining and food. Take this recipe of Judith's for French onion soup, a favourite in the Labour Party caucus:

1 large black pot (if a pot is unavailable, a cauldron will suffice)
6 large brown onions, sliced thinly
2 gallons of dog stock
6 legs of toad
The hair of one albino monkey, or alternatively, one of Darren Hughes' eyebrows
3 fenny snake skins
Salt and pepper to taste
Babboon's blood optional.


Pommiekiw said...

I thought all Liarbour wenches were adept with a broom.
Practice gained from sewweping so many things under their lumpy carpets.


Anonymous said...

Priceless IP, absolutely priceless post. When Phds are written about the Clarkist regime, she will be the archetypal patsy..maybe panty...appointment

Cactus Kate said...

Onion Soup fart.

kisekiman said...

Do those wispy hairs on her chin constitute what is known in the trade as a "womb broom"?

Anonymous said...

like a person would have to be fairly hungry to eat them baboon blood thing mn or what type of dog do yous put in the pot,the breeding counts for proper taste, all together it dont sound palatable much at all, peterquixote

Anonymous said...

i also like to remind readers that i had this dream two years ago where Helen try to seduce me , and she had light green knickers on, what do yous think,pq

Anonymous said...

Prick, you forgot an key ingredient in the recipe...

1tsp of Helen's beaver juice

Pamziewamzie said...

Ewww moderate your comments :)

Judith taught me how to make eggs benedict, one of the finest things I know how to do.