Thursday, July 13, 2006

Fears and Loathings

My friend just bought a puppy. Ever since I heard that he bought that dog, I’ve been terrified that the dog might develop psychological problems and get larger and bite the postman.

Another friend recently stole a small goat, and placed it among his sheep. I lie awake at night fearful that the goat will think it’s a sheep, and start fucking the other sheep. Even worse, I fear that the goat, being a satanic symbol, may well be Lucifer’s spawn, and impregnate a whole new breed of evil goat-sheep.

Another friend just bought a new fridge. Studies have shown that cannibals are most likely to store human remains in old fridges, rather than new fridges. My friend has not told me what he has done with his old fridge, so I now assume that I am next on his list of people to chop up and boil on his NEW STOVE!

Yes, people. These are genuine fears.

17 comments:

MikeE said...

I think I could make a lot selling tinfoil hats to feminists..

Heine said...

Oh dear.

liberty through profit said...

using that kind of logic, you could actually create an argument for female infanticide to protect the girl babies from rape in the future. It is simply ridiculous.
Do you think they get their stars read, wear beads, or have multiple tatoos/piercings?

Murray said...

Read that freak shows blog or smash your own brains out with brick.

Tough call.... what sort of brick are talking about?

Anonymous said...

"Beautiful Boy" - John Lennon, I believe. Poet. Genius. Pacifist. However, if you believe that hate filled, brain-dead, womyn 101, man-hating dullard - he was nothing more than a rapist and a cad.

Heine said...

Was thinking the same about infanticide too. I wonder if any of my future daughters would grow up to kill their own babies? :)

Silly silly bitch.

Anonymous said...

Funniest post ever.

Cactus Kate said...

One of the more damning ways a man has ever said "suck by c**k b***h".

Well done

Mike Heine said...

MMMMM that's good satire!

Dr. Marvin Monroe said...

Hello! Dr. Marvin Monroe here, examining the link between politics and psychology.

The “wondering-if-baby-will-become-a-rapist” post by subject ‘Maia’ is evidence of a mind warped by politics. The tragedy of ‘Maia’ and her ilk is that their worldview is molded – they are “groomed,” if you will, to think that way. They enter tertiary institutions as reasonably well-balanced teenagers, if not a little naïve and impressionable; and graduate riddled with a psychological cancer that can only perceive the world in terms of exploiters and exploited.

Ideas destroy lives, people. Imagine going through life imagining every man (or baby, in the worst cases) as a potential rapist; every employer as an exploiter. Rather than merely recognizing individual injustices and feeling an appropriate level of empathy, they immerse themselves in them, wallow in them; they live in a world populated by victims; a world no longer benevolent and able to provide happiness and prosperity, but a world of fearfulness and anger towards an “other”– the imaginary conspiracy that is the source of this perceived fear. Of course, every intellectually bankrupt political philosophy requires an “other” (the “patriarchy”, the “rich”, “Amerika”, etc.) - its success measured by the “others” political or physical elimination. So the politics and psychology of these people are self-reinforcing.

It’s indeed a tragedy. Bright, optimistic young minds forever destroyed. ‘Maia’ is certainly a victim, but not of what she thinks she is.

Seamonkey Madness said...

I just had this sick mental image of babies going around willy-nilly, raping people. Because thats what this psycho-hosebeast put in my head.

Lets get biblical on those little Satan bastards - kill them all before they can crawl, let alone walk.

By being sane however (unlike our friend, Maia), I am frickin' kidding! Lets hope shes paranoid enough about this so she won't want any progeny to pass this drivel on to.

Rob's Blockhead Blog said...

Good post.

You've bene very quiet.

New job??

llew said...

heh heh! Her kid will probably grow up & vote National.

Oswald Bastable said...

Life is too hard- end it by junping off something high- say- a beer crate

kisekiman said...

Jeez I can't believe you (and now I) piss away your (my) valuable time reading the mindless tripe of the criminally stupid. She should see a therapist...eh what, another kind of rapist. Oh no they're EVERYWHERE!

Seamonkey Madness said...

Come on Prick - we know you're out there and itching to write about the 'Democracy Funding' or some such commie state bollocks. Lets be havin' ya!

sagenz said...

just reread this a month later and it still got me laughing